


Desired Happiness

by witchofaiaia



Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion
Genre: Asuka is a homophobe, M/M, fragments of an entire story, im having fun leave me be, there are other characters but their involvement is minor, this au is just me doing what I want, this is just soft, what if we both found happiness within our lives and each other? haha jk... unless...?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-14
Updated: 2019-08-14
Packaged: 2020-09-01 00:55:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20249482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/witchofaiaia/pseuds/witchofaiaia
Summary: Shinji and Kaworu spend time outside of piloting Eva's to discover the many forms beauty takes in their lives. Music, stars, gardens, and a hand to hold all share a beauty the boys previously didn't appreciate before.





	Desired Happiness

**Author's Note:**

> This is very self indulgent and silly. And mostly written at midnight after long shifts at my job scooping ice cream.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They cross paths.

I gazed at the black expanse above me, city light pollution dimming the shine and gleam of the night sky, while the moon shone a pale yellow over the city. When I go farther from Tokyo I can discern the different hues of the stars, and on rare occasions I can tell which ones are planets. Such instances occur far and few between, a special treat for myself that Ib treasure and commit to memory. I pictured the grand skyline in my mind, a garden of starlight that hung above Mr. Kaji's actual garden. The pastel glows of the burning cosmos like plots of geraniums, roses, chrysanthemums, and camellias. Different constellations were just bouquets, _Apus_ the most colorful bouquet of them all. The soft pinks of camellias and blues of hydrangeas, dotted with yellow sunflowers and white plum blossoms, all tied together with a velvet ribbon the color of the inky black sky. The infinite universe offered an everlasting garden above the one I tended in Kaji's absence. The fragile nature of the flowers and plants was irksome, the slightest error in watering or a change in weather wilts them and ruins their growth. The stars above don't need such care, they're always there, even when I can't see them.   
My tape rewound itself with a click and spinning gear, playing track one over again, the familiar bass bumped against my ear. My thoughts of the cosmic garden, albeit silly and stupid, vanished to my dismay. A breeze ruffled my loose shirt and disheveled hair, and carried with it the smell of a ozone. Few moments in my life were like these nowadays; quiet, simple, and peaceful. They never last.  
Closing my eyes, and taking a deep breath, I casted out a line to the universe, at the end of my line was not a bauble or bait, but a question. This question persisted to eat away at me, giving me brief moments of solace like the stars. “What is happiness?” I asked the cosmos. It was not distractions like my daydreams, nor was it piloting. The galaxy pondered my question, and as the minutes ticked by so did my patience. The tracks on my tape moved slowly and the anticipation of an answer left my thoughts unable to wander. It deliberated, almost teasingly I inferred with great frustration, and when I was at my limit I left to go back in the apartment. Asuka and Misato were already asleep, and despite the late hour of the night and day of tests both in and out of school, I was not tired.  
Sleep alluded me, and as I tossed and turned under the covers I tangled myself in a cocoon of cotton. My earbuds fell out in the movement. Exasperated and praying for sleep to take me, I threw my blanket on the floor, it landed with a quiet _whoosh_, and starred out the window, once again at the cosmos above Tokyo. From the apartment the moon changed from yellow to white, and seemed smaller to my eye. I put my earbuds back in, resuming listening to the fourth track. As I stared out the window, trying to occupy myself with thoughts of school, I grew bored. I got sick of waiting for sleep, just as I got sick of waiting for an answer, I got up and put on a pair of jeans and a clean shirt. I tip-toed through the apartment, careful not to wake up Misato and Asuka, especially not Asuka. I took great effort in slowly closing the front door and locking it without alerting my guardian and roommate, and as I turned to breathe out my held breath I faced Nerv's newest Eva pilot.   
"W-what are you doing here? Is everything okay, Nagisa Kaworu?" I was shocked, and unnerved by his unprompted appearance at the apartment. I wondered how he got here, how he knew to come here, why was he here, and why was he out so late?   
The pilot answered casually, with a friendly smile, "I couldn't sleep, and I took a gamble that you couldn't either, Ikari Shinji." In the light given off by the outdoor lamps and the moon his skin seemed almost as white as his hair, but his eyes remained a stunning crimson. "Was that wrong of me?"   
I considered this, it was certainly odd to have the new pilot show up at my doorstep in the middle of the night hoping he'd bump into me, but at the same time, it wouldn't be bad having company as I worked out the last of my energy. Despite what should have been an awkward and scarring encounter, I found myself almost relieved to find Nagisa Kowaru had shown up. Though, this will certainly cause a change of plans, I couldn't go to Mr. Kaji's garden now, and any store or restaurant would surely be closed by now. "No, it's fine, I guess. Were you planning on.. coming in?"  
Kaworu shook his head, and let out a chuckle, "I was going to propose you join me at my apartment, the one Nerv provided for me. Unless, you had other ideas?"  
"If I'm going to be coming over to your home, you should just call me 'Shinji'."  
"I'll extend the same to you, then, just 'Kaworu'. And from what you've just said, I'm guessing you will be joining me then? I hope you'll say yes."  
_I have a feeling no matter what happens now.. Eventually we'll be together. It's my fate._


End file.
